Real world, in my view today, is no longer a competition. I don't see myself higher or lower compared to anyone anymore. yes, sometimes that innate human tendency to be at a stronger position relative to someone does pop up. But not often. Now, the benchmark is my own self.
I used to love to win. But, success is silent now. Infact sometimes, success is disappointing. My goals have moved on, like me. Now, individual events are just events. By the time the stage to enjoy victory comes, I find myself already drifted away to the next thing. My goal is too large. Larger than my lfe. Larger than many lives. It is an idealist's dream. It is a dream for a billion people. I don't know if I will ever die believing that I did all that I could. And having said that, I find little joy in telling myself that I am a winner.
I see people around me who have a comforting feeling that they work very hard. I say comforting because I know that the feeling inside me is quite different. even after a day dedicated to work - honest work - I mostly have this inner feeling of being a useless moron who has wasted much of his life. The people who feel that they are working hard may blame the system for their worries. Who is it that I can blame? You got it - myself!
Now, all that I am is a person who knows what he wants. I tell you, it is a good thing. A very good thing. I know what I want. I know what is required of me to get what I want. But, I, the classic moron, waste myself and my life daily!
With a goal that is too big to be quantified in a single plan, with an executionist who is too stupid to do anything right and with time that is flying of, here I am!
The only good part is that I am still living each day with enough sensible work on my plate that I can ask the almighty for no more opportunity!