Switched off mode

"Life is a journey through mountains and valleys" is the sentence that made maximum sense to me this evening....

Going into an all studying mood in 2 nd pu...study study study so that u get a seat in the college u want to study...

Then write loads and loads of entrance exam.....

Then go on waiting endlessly for results, see day dreams each day and hope to get into the fav college, be in some great nonsense tensive mood for days...

Then the result comes out, wont get admission into the college ur parents wanted u to go into...go into a nonsense depressive mood again....cry till u feel u cant cry anymore...

Then some other exam which wrote for the sake of writing- clicks, no one to control ur happiness, u r flying, sudden unexpected happiness....

Then college begins, an ocean of unknown people again become silent seeing the new environment, make new friends, walk around together to be away from some ppl specially called seniors.

Suddenly u realise u r among a great group of ppl whom u call friends..enjoy ur life like never before...go eat golgappa , icecream and all things around

And discover that this is what u wanted to study, u r just loving what all u r studying.

An all high happy mood...

Then suddenly u realize u r just being happy about what u r studying and enjoying with the new found friends...and u r not actually studying enough...suddenly loads and loads to study...study study study all day and night...and finally write an exam...

Another cycle of tensive mood...

Exams are over, u think u worked too hard for ur capacity.... go on sleeping and relaxing for a month.

All this while through both sadness, tension and happiness, u dont have that POSITIVE MOOD...u dont realize why!

College restarts, u dont want to repeat the mistake u made, u try ur best to study fully the things u enjoy studying and still enjoy with friends...

U succeed to a little extent...u r happy but THE POSITIVE MOOD IS STILL MISSING

U think for days- WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME ???? I WAS NOT LIKE THIS EARLIER...I WANT TO BE LIKE BEFORE!!!!

Then starts the CWG... people are all cribbing about the arrangements, hyping up things that are alredy hyped up in the media...everyone around me seems so negative...here i realise i'm a bit more positive than others around me....i still can feel the happiness in the future.

There is a very good opening ceremony...i'm totally happy!!! but i dont want to share it with people who were totally negative ealier....now i know faintly, what i'm missing...

DAY 2-CWG! by evening India wins 5 gold medals!!!! i'm continuously in front of the tv with increasing happiness every minute....other ppl join me...i tell them-"India won 5 gold medals!!!!" they say- must be matchfixing by kalmadi!....is that the first thing u want to hear when u r in a height of happiness with ur nation?????

Now i know where i'm lacking for sure....i've not been properly in touch with the positive people...with Sankalp...

I realize i was in a SWITCHED OFF MODE with respect to what i really am and what i really want to do...

It took me a great dialogue by someone to realise my switched off mode!!!

I JUST DONT WANT TO BE LIKE THIS ANYMORE...